Not checking

Do i degrade you?
Does it rob you of your spirit?
Am i turning you on?
Are you put down for the night?
Im so tired of you
 i cant see what is real.
Trust those dark roads you think you know so well
Speeding up and down to death then hell

Do not ever come back.

kiss you into oblivion
under the cracks in the moon
were not even intoxicated
i could really die for an argument.
wondering if my phone call
escaped you from that fate
a terrible car crash bound to happen
and it was just too damn late
and its an uncomfortable sleep
the mornings become more weird.
never take the time to stop thinking.
a dying sound getting worse.
i hope for a tornado
to blow through this town
wipe out your friends and you.
but nothing happens on the east
because i honestly want to scream
until my mouth falls apart.
the roots of teeth being torn
justifying what i wanted from the start
never been surrounded
by bigger morons in my life
than at this time,
right now.
if you don't like where you are
than make a move
and when you do,
don't bother coming back
or running mouth on your own life
because that's where you once lived.
stay where you are.

I Did Nothing In Life

Take the dog and put it in its cage
For pissing on the ground
So the lesson is taught.
I live in your house
And barely see your face
Have you seen my room?
And the mess i have made?
My very own key
Living invincibility
Cant say i told you so
Unless you caught me.
Face to face with the greatest thing
But i settle for worse
Thats just the way things work
Setting up where youll get hurt.
You fucking tested me
Youll never get a good side from me
Not even a tickle to make me smurk
Broke me off for the better
Wake up and feel nothing could ever make a difference.
Go for a good run
And never return
Finding a way to make it underground
End the burn.
Id rather set up to fail
Then put up with your shit
Sick to my gut of skating up this hill.
Life is not short and no one is safe
Spend all my money on spoiled food
Nowhere to take myself out
On a sunday night
Just walk around til youre frozen
And youre feelings go numb
Dont eat everything in the medicine cabinet.
Do you really need all that shit?
You cant take care of a wateredown problem
But you take care of hurting yourself.
Let your batteries run dry
Dont want to see my parents cry
It was never a elementary school dream
To end up this way.
Dont wanna live this way man
Dont wanna watch control out of my hands
Be that guy that doesnt give one damn
There it goes, absorbed in sand.
Depth on life, never gonna stop talking that way
Flowers for bruises
Hospital visits arent gonna pay the bill
Just gotta keep talking to you
To keep you from feeling pushed away
Riding this dead horse
In one jaded day, ill grow useless
The day im sick of acting like i knew everything

it aint that way

Would you take yourself?
To get over this distance with them
And be one again.
Nobody knows where their dead is.
What makes you think you'll see their face again?
Wash out your heartache
Because it doesn't belong their to begin with
it makes me sick to see you this away.
Dont want to remember you this way
Every time you come around
to watch your fucking face one more time
and dizzy dance in your mirage
I act as if you dont exist at all.
And you do the same for others.
Ill only care when youre dead.
Ill be sorry that nothing was left said
How come you understand me from this point
But not in person
You say im embarrasing.
But youre embarassing yourself
From the truth.
am i breaking anything?
is there a point in sight?
is this aim meaningless?
should i just die tonight?
You and me
constantly always going to be.
wake up and put to sleep
that sad noise that flows the sea

Rug Burn

please slow down
you're better than me
and i feel it
this brain circles a trail in soil
and the hand
on the back of my neck
cant stop rubbing off the stress
like rug burn
tomorrow will always be my turn
it just hurts to be in this position
some problems always go missing
then find their way back home
we think too much and feel too little
could you cut the wires?
that are feeding your head
that keep you escalating from me.
you mortal and pestle
crush up all that i feel left
if i could depopulate my feelings
peace would live
there would not be any of this.
surroundings will always encourage
just sick of wishing
to catch up to you.

Next Try

those helping hands stretched out
you always thanked
freeloaded and scrounged
then sneak through their shit

just goes to say
you could never make it
on your fucking own.
from payphone to payphone.

we are the same blood.
you wont get my money
and i wont shelter you
only a trip over the foot
a quiet cold shoulder
and a still room

if you ever got out of your slum
and lived a better life
all that money you make
you'd sure as hell feed yourself
overload on all of it

all that junk in your vein
still find some way to fuck something up
don't you know we love you?
though i never show it
and couldn't now.

poverty cant sleep through the night
somehow you can close your eyes.
its like you're happy with yourself
applauding a needle, kissing a pill.
a body that never sits still.

your phone call is hanging around
and tomorrow comes.
it'll be the worse day
ill be woken up
and everything was just too late.
too bad for me.

no room

tomorrow i start my life over again.
living like i wanted to end it before
then the following day repeats.

Stug

something someday, hand clench your dirt
i finally got away
finally put you away

seem to have produced problems
over the last few months
collected over experience
you'll always give me a
"look what you've done"

can you not fucking sleep alone?
because i wake up just fine

heart shoved hate
no shame, no guilt
you aren't very fond of me
burn my photograph

i maintain a threshold
im just fine
hold tight on dear life
im just fine
my brain is screwed tight
im just fine
please don't give me shit
im just fine

The Footsteps In My Head

tired of picturing your mouth moving
put your fist through my face
it doesn't pain me much more
than you already do
i go home
i stare at the wall
i do nothing
you don't either.
just footsteps in my head
disappearance somewhere
im glad your fucking gone for now
you'll come around motherfucker.
you always do
i shouldn't of said what i said.
but it was said anyway.
living like a piece of shit
is gonna get you dead like a piece of shit
curse you
through and through
no matter if you burn your clothes and shoes
burning in the dark
i can always picture what you do
you say you don't give a shit
walk around not giving a fuck
nobody really like you all that much
god i hope you fucking disappear.
playing your pity out
holding your thread for so long
holding hands with dead friendships
walking around with your head cut off
wanderer

Shoot Through

At the end of the day
I have withdrawn all that could stay
Wishing on the sun to crash into ocean
To blow you and me separately away
Keep your mind shut
You don't know where ive been
Though you'd love to find so
I am on a dive of nowhere to go
I cast myself to the sky
I swallow my pride
I somehow find grace
It was a feeling, long lost.
I close my eyes in torrential downpour.
Covered in glass
From the window i was thrown through
Head leaking in the grass.
My situation is severe
But you just stand there and look.
Just like how i drag my toes.
One day after another the pain goes.

Vein Violin

All the letters you write
And all the words you spit
People dont appreciate them
As much as you do
Every second matters
Document your footsteps
People dont appreciate breathing
As much as you do
All your companions turn to ghosts
And all your memories go disposed
Nothing hangs on
Unless you do
Lay on your back all day
Meaningless it goes to say
Ive never met someone who could
control their happiness as much as you do
Im just a piece of shit
I never make it through each day
Enough comtempt in each thought
For one little thing i have to say
This is what happens when moving away
No one talks to any one.
It all goes astray.
Your rolled cigarettes and shitty whiskey.
Is what you got now
A couple of trendy, lost friends
To close your mouth.
Heart of clay
Drying out my veins
I have the least bit to say
Walking through november rain
Most likely will grow angry through each thought i couldnt put down.
Some days its all about you
Some days its not.
Yes i feel sorry for you
For all the shit you put yourself through
You could of spared me the attitude
I hope you sleep like shit tonight.

Tall Pines

You've been doing so well or at least trying to
Its funny to mock you.
because ive watch everyone think they've got it.
every hard life blow they have been through.
take the worst part of the day out on someone else
because you cant handle it.
or hold your crumbled life together
arriving home, a car drifted into the house.
and you survive your crash.
wishing it took life right there.
nothing but scars left
and glass stuck in your head.
water in the tub
a 160 pound body submerged
you stare into the ceiling
as if there was a mouth there trying to talk you out.
brown eyes gone.
gray inherited.
"don't break down the door"
pick the lock.
where do you rest now?
knowing that you don't have to wake up for work.
tomorrow morning is away.
just one other dead day.

Shampoo Mohawk

Woke up so so cold
Expect the same tomorrow
One more complaint for today
Am i impressing anybody?
Why am i not dead yet?
Must be waiting for a clock to set
I walk through the woods
And endlessly stare past trees
Into skies that give no birth
That pours rain onto my shirt.
To hear your voice
I'm repeating the pain
Another reason given
To talk behind your back today
To hear your voice
I'm repeating the pain
Alot of talking out to do
Will never see the end of day
making this worse
Its been bad enough
Crooked frown
Half attempted smile
"Why are you always down?"
I haven't made a single sound.
Though you felt a negative vibe
Your poor assumption offended me.
It makes me feel i dont stand a chance
It keeps me flowing the blood
It will help to plant the seed
It keeps feeding the need.
Throw me off your ship
I cant stand your mouth one more time
Push your luck throughout life
You'll be at the bottom like me.
I shoved myself there
Away from you and sidewalks
Away from a good place
Somewhere unfamiliar
My hands are constantly patched with scabs and blisters.
Stopped taking responsibilities
Stopped taking favors
Because i cant maintain stability.
You are not allowed in my life
You couldn't fill the holes in my head
Or adjust the loose screws
Let my insecurity hurt you
Give and take
For every bone you break
Forgive yourself
For those you blame.
I cant breathe
I cant function a sleep schedule
I cant dry my eyes
I cant believe your mouth
So id rather stay up
And run myself sick
Four in the morning
The sun still sleeps
And so does my life
Exhausted in your eyes
Delirious and mesmerized
Your skin lives with a false man
Never thought your heart would live to die.
Everything that you touch fucking breaks.
No one cares or feels for your sake.
Do you break down hard and hurt?
These are things that heal tomorrow morning.
Selfish and selfless
Keep playing that melody
Because i like the way it feels
I could dance in misery for days
I could live crossed out.
Ive spent my whole life with people like you.
Watch a family member lose all control
You're better off dead
You ate through fat and bone.

54

i am a lost S(p)O(a)M(r)E(a)O(s)N(i)E(te)
an x between the eyes
i will stand on my head
stare the wall in the face
take form of god.
and end my being.

burst

im crossing my fingers tonight
in fact it happens every night
i hold my breath
until you come around.
a broken watch
stuck on fast forward
though i see everything clearly
i just wont have enough time.
things fall to shit.
will i have my way with words?
will i make the biggest fucking mess?
build anxiety to perfect my stress.
my body just runs this spiraled path
that eventually leads to a hole
that nothings in.
they might be dreams
shake my hand and apologize
i wont be here tomorrow
my family wont find me in bed.
the cops wont find me in the woods.
no lost papers stapled up
just somehow i disappeared
it was numbing.
people laugh in disbelief
just like how i find them funny

Succumb

just another day to turn nothing around.
just the same days where i bury my head.
twenty years of achievements and failed outcomes.
who will i be at twenty one?
do i have to live with your face?
a singed memoir in the back
my eyes watch this burning grace
I climb as high as i can
before running out of time
you wonder where ive been
you try to see what i see.
you and me.
weren't meant to believe
each other
only fathers and mothers.
i don't blame the world
for keeping me stuck.
my verge of tears
stubbornness is whats fucking me.
pity that's for free.
hang around and become me
you can medicate and drown troubles
its only irritation to see.
don't wanna wake up tomorrow
and press repeat.
don't wanna be that guy
that has to swallow defeat.

Neverlasting

Tell them all the wrong i caused
The pain that grabbed hold for one day
You're just sensitive
Nothing stays or goes your way
To leave this world
Knowing im gone from you.
I don't have to hear you speak.
Everything is through
What is your depression?
What does it stand for?
You dont know shit.
Your family or yourself
I'm "weak".
But you find a crutch for everything
I cant help but judge.
If i could just keep hating you
I would stay content.
Leave me alone.
Keep to your bones.

deathwish

im not sorry for loss
nor would you be, if i had one.
youve never asked yourself
why and who placed me here,
in such a crippled world?
awake and stare into an empty room.
you resent me.
a brain showed me the way to see.
nobody helps me for shit.
i don't even throw a fit.
but i will complain about it.
because no one helped with shit.
there's a creator in everyone.
everyone of them gets crushed eventually.
you're deathwished
you sorry bitch.

don't do that

it always takes time
that's nothing nobody wants to hear
tomorrow is one other day
trade your life to be sincere.
ways of growing up.
bottled and throwing up
you hit a brick wall
somehow you still have luck.
why do you live?
how do you still exist?
the good pass young
pieces of shit live forever.
you're that kind of person.
i have to force myself around.
and out of all of it.
it was just a sad fucking day.
all im doing is shutting you up one more time

fuel

you are your own problems.
speak for yourself.
climb in others emotions.
and try to tear them down.
washed out drunk.
you know it all.
seen the heights.
everyone is a wrong from right
you've cause all the fights.
i strip you down inside this head.
nothing more or less
than a fucking punk.
too old to be this way.
you try leave everyone with nothing to say.
you dropped out your life.
i know every book you read.
its the fucking same from start to end.
your brain never grows, it didn't plant a seed
knowledge doesn't get any brighter
in fact it makes you a snob
doesn't make you anything more than what you originally are.
everyone has to know who you are.
you just stand out in the room
of course everyone knows who you are.
i beg for hope that you pass soon.
you disappear, you wont be missed.
someone found your life and finally took it.
cold in the ground, soon to be seen.
you're just fucking crooked.

eavesdrop

start your day off right
ruined afternoons
kill your good night.
you cant drive tonight.
have some self control
use your head
if you have one at all
no one can hurt you
more than yourself.
but you let each other divide.
pick at each others hearts.
hold your fucking grip.
because nowhere is there a start.

Last Stop

I sustain a virtue, but only a dream
it will all make me the good guy
if i hope it all together.
if its over, im the bad guy it seems.
when you are gone.
things are miserable as can be.
but you show yourself
and i am burning down
i only have a certain happiness
and it drags me around.
its wrong and tiring.
its left me breaking down.
"forgotten" makes a broken promise.
you just bruised someones entire day.
crying for a broken minute
and it all goes away.
i dont have an obsession.
its just the way things are.
i really do hate myself.
people say i mean no harm.
thats what hurts the most.
my doubt that i have to hold.
affection and commitment.
are notions that just grow old.
you should not ask me how i am
or how i have been.
do not fucking touch me.
or try to find a way to begin.
Ive caused a lot of temporary hurt in peoples lives.
but they just let it go.
that human nature with leaving earth.
im next to go.

stealing gum

it is dry and has drug you sick.
nothing gets better once exhausted
thousands of make believers
tell you how its going to be
one out of a thousand
you're gonna hear it from me.
do not bother
relying on a liar.
love is a crutch
for crumbled people who cant make the day.

Bring Your Head

Find a warm place
I will lay down inside
The way to leave you disconnected
Washed away down childhood slides.
This deep sleep
Hallucinating me
The mouth of that gun against my teeth
Blows them to the back of my throat
I am a sinking stone
A drifter with deceit
You set me up.
Soiled in rust.
Ill leave you alone.
Who is the first to fuss?
You lend me nothing
Nothing but an empty shell
You place my heart in such a world
Where hate only fucking exists.
I have to beg to be fucking happy.
I was never like this
I always slept right.
Without a goodnight kiss
Its like i drag this dead body around all day
This miserable soul
I want to collect my steps
and just live in peace.

cricket

love is this. love is that.

As long as you know

Isolation from pain
I live in a silent world
I build myself sick
Everything goes unheard
I jam my fingers
Ive caused myself fatigue
It has been a rough month
sleep on empty stomachs
There are tendencies
That a human does not need
There are obsessions
People need to bleed
I lay myself down
And my head starts to spin
This turmoil created
Hell knows where ive been.
Burn my body
Leave it out for the birds
Leave it out for an example
I dont care where i go
Just as long as people see

ask god

find a different way
just don't come to me
hands held high at the sun
stop your complaining.
you were born in an "unfortunate place"
at least you're alive
there is poverty sleeping on dirt
there is no room for your hurt.
happiness is wrong when you abuse it
you've dried out your chance
because you take shit for granted
whatever, oh well, just stand it.
place your life in my hands
and i will plan it.
overpopulation is sickening
just be one less of you here.

Sincerely Yours

Remove my skull
My spine involved
Like i ever had one at all
I talk alot but never stood so tall
It pains me to say
That pains brought me these days
Ive gone under the sheets
And ill never return.
I stare into tree and sky
In this golden town
The only nostaglia that kept me breathing
is the only hurt that formed this life.
Im just a spoilet brat
Selfish
I dont appreciate shit
Ill throw my fit
Then leave

Go home

I dont want to be anywhere right now
I cant tuck myself to bed
No one rests away a days worth of emotions
There are crutches for every difficulty
I am beyond this feeling
Its a thought that kills most.
There was a crippled path.
Thats what i chose
I dont live in a medicine cabinet
I dont live on a high hope
I dont mean to recluse
I live on a tightrope
Why are you in my way?
Im not in yours.
Its nobodys fault but mine
To use the heart and not the mind
I come as your doormat
And eventually find where youve been walking all day
I would only wish for your house boarded up
And set on fire with you inside
I found a consequence
Like a fool for black eyes.
I mope around inside out
What else cant i hide?

respiratory

you caused me pain
you took whats mine
you fucked me up
revoked my luck
how am i to respond on your cowardly act
how am i to function air flow
if its sanity i lack
all this hope has crashed
all lifes accomplishments are burning
how will i forgive myself for not seeing her one last time.
inhalation is for people who haven't felt a loss.
only the devil knows how much you cost

wanting me

i can feel driving shifts with my brain
some frustrated force on my life
all i could wish for more is death.
your life in my hands with nothing left
you may upset me at times
even disrespect my borders
i will lose all i have
just to keep you from fucking me.
i don't mean no harm
if the situation happened id be defenseless
i run my mouth a little far.
but you deserve to be put in a place.
you've got some nerve
better be careful
your world could become somebody elses.
gonna take you for all you possess.
pillage some of the only things left.
this is what you do to me.

remember

simply annoying, over-hyper. never serious. cry baby. modest. drop-out. leech/mooch. self centered. super nintendo.

parish

Influence my contradiction.
make me lie for something else
you cant convince me because you wont talk
so im on my own here.
put with visions behind my lids
you really have my feelings in a clench
lonely as my bus bench.
rejection hurts anyone.
your hair soaked with sweat
ash covered skin.
flames light up your eyes.
unforgivable sin
clothes smothered of smoke
karma for your cruel joke.
my dream didn't go so far
ditching this grudge is just too hard.

Yellow Slide

i am sure there's not a chance in sight
to know someone who actually gives a fuck
too bitter and jaded to fight
on how you feel like a million bucks.
To be honest im one of those people
because im apart of an insect race.
I live thoughtless and careless
cant define my hate for such things
Im in love with your ways
But my eyes wander.
Youve fucked with everyone
But you cant do me
I live in damnation
And bow to one knee
You cant kill me
But i will decide when to take.
they have been surrounding me for years
i have been alone for the past couple years
how could someone so young and stupid
know anything of a mothers tears?

Fuck You Then

let me leave this house.
so i can see sights ive never seen
heights when i use my spline.
tired little mouse.
i have to slime my way out a backdoor.
to do as much as i fucking can.
before im this machine of man.
counting down from four.

Used To Have It

im breathing off of time
and past away things
im young and holding on
to the rest of muscle memory
ive been fooling around
sticking people under the impression.
that ive droned myself entirely just like you
and learned a valuable lesson.
my head is toward a train track
rolling thunder slipped through the crack
im gutless because confrontation is too much.
if i had them
id runaway
you never see me again.
i cant stop biting my fingers.
i use my shirt to stop bleeding.
if i had money, would i be somebody?
my collection for thoughts gone

Not Finishing

Its all secure, but foolish, and fun
Better watch your last words with someone.
If you even have anything to say at all
Mr. Bigshot, Mr. Stand so fucking tall
I hid words in conversations
That you never ever saw.
Youre going to hell
Thats all we ever have for each other
Something that hurts
Nothing but discomfort.

The Sun Sets Behind Trees

Ask me if i fucking care
Ive drained a whole year worrying about happy people
And just hating them, hating their money, their wrongs, their friends, their lives 
It created a gateway for my negativity
Those opinions
Theyre meaningless and i dont matter
Its pointless and you know it
Ive become so ignorant and blind
Friendships come for its end
I cant be happy
And i cant find a place to be
Just steadily dancing with misery
The person you heard through all your friends
Yes thats me
Thats my reputation and thats my fee
Im ripping off my head to justify
When were with each other i just cant watch my mouth
Look me in eye and find what im about

Werewolf

Im just an empty promise
Filled with unfulfilled promises
You can have more if wanted
I can build you a letdown
Tell me how i make you feel
Living anger out by the gas pedal
This is now, far from real
There is less to settle
Pull me out of my comfort
Push me into a cage
Where i become tired and insane
Look what you made
Filthy and ugly
Out for the night
Forgetting beginning moments
Sad and out of sight
This is the way things used to be
Those are some things im yet to see
Children capture butterflies and let them free
You fight on what ive become to be.
I lost my way.
Youre snatching out my insecurities
Thinking love involves purity
I lost my way

Sounds The Same

Remember who you are
You'll live in roots
Theres a tendency for adults
Growing apart and throwing away a childish mind
Writing novels on hope and chance
But you're pretty good with words
So you'll convince at least someone
On wit and charm
You'll manipulate but think no harm
A heart may not break
But you'll leave someone hopeless
Who the hell are you?
Wheres yourself?
Just because you got something
Doesn't mean ill have it
I want an end
Because i feel it just starting
Whatever, suck it up
Excuses for when i fuck it up
Old man you gave it up.
Go rest now
Build walls from my childhood
Let it die

Nothing Anymore

South on the avenue
Where it breaks the heart
Just because i cant live at age 17 anymore
Caught my luck in the rain
Skipping education on the train
You know you shouldnt do the things you do
But you do them anyway
Is it a future worth shattering?
Do you even care?
I am a prime example of why things arent there
Youre constantly in denial with this place
You think youll create home in some other godforsaken town
Youre just miserable and headsick
I am comfortably bound
Pretending endings
Start a new life over
Youre still an idiot
Youll still run into broken love
If you depend on it for your happiness
Itll get you going 
Hanging on a high hope
You only let yourself down.
Thought i was full of myself?
Because i never had a good thing to say
Maybe youre right
I go about not believing, thats just the way

Sad Youth

Scared of losing a past worth missing.
I could really use a friend about now
Take the roads I've always known.
That's where it attacks the heart.
Don't tell me what a life is about
Don't embrace me
Don't fucking touch me
There is nothing honest here to see
What the fuck do I need home for?
If it's the same anywhere else.
The violence is too controlling
Sometimes I wonder how I make it through a day
What the fuck happened to the things I really had to say?
Mom your medicine never works.
You're whats killing me.
The violence is too controlling
Feel the tears run down my face.
I am fucking livid on an edge.
Thought it went away from the last time I was on that ledge.
You can compare
You can relate
I just won't care
It'll be too late.
I don't want to be around
To hear your wishes on how you never had a regret.
I don't want to talk
Just because I have nothing good to say.
Sad fucking world
You can blame god for this fuck up
Though you don't believe in him at all.
That's only your stupid fucking fault
For putting you where you are.
Pathetic desperation for a shooting star.
I wish I could wash you away

overwhelm the stomach

if you wanted to know about my personal best.
dreaming of things i could do to you and the rest
i mean i really try hard
i only look on a nicer side.
but i fucking hate your insides.
ive grown obsessed.
there's no winning on anything.
suffer more than i already do.
you're a fucking loser.
that you never knew
and probably will never get to see.
im never going to sleep.
live on wisecracks
you want attention pretending that you dont care.
nothing went planned spoiled brat, so unfair.
Brushing your hair
Youre still ugly both ways.
I keep a dark place in me for you to stay.
I have the biggest pact on loneliness
Though there is someone i care for and cares for me.
I used to know my way around.
Every turn every street
Now has got me beat.
Homesick but homebound.
I just dont understand

rejoice

please
just tell me how you feel
are you disappointed?
itll effect behind the wheel.
shame on love, for a childish play.
shame on me, for erasing your name.
watch every one go home happy
watch all the lights turn off at night.
no one is concerned for you
why bother?
im doing the same things to
though i want nothing to do with you
a part of me wants you around
i have my dream set aside on something better
medicine has murdered my family
so i will not take it to get over for the best of me
it will always take time
there are no lessons to find.

punctuation

i didnt understand
i couldnt get out
i was tired of thinking too much
i was exhausted of talking too much
i just wanted to love every single person
i just think of what it would be like without me
but that doesnt mean a thing
i was tired of it being about me

go hide

wanting to give all i got
look into what its not
your soul is a shallow ruin
wiped out and never knew it
i lost my eyes
maybe that's why ive made decisions badly
the mind of emotions locked up to stay
theres a key somewhere deep in my stomach
find some courage and take from it
why is everything lonely?
why cant you be left alone
when left alone reach for your phone
attempting to be happy with you
just over and over
the feelings just tampers over and over
where is the cure?
do i hide from the air?
ill keep passing here and there
there is a lack in missing passion
there's a crack on hope to all that's happened
theres a shatter on a glass that your cheer resides
there is your hole, drawing the body on the inside
go hide

2:54

an end.
where is it?

now

My whole childhood were just rainy days
All i can remember is rain
Thats why you found me when i was upset
I was happy with an adjusted head
Dug a couple different holes
Sometimes never come out.
There goes home on tall pines drive
Never found what im about
Are you my maker?
If so, give me a clue
Have i lucked out?
Lost on a shooting star, maybe a few
Ill find my fountain of youth
When im old and alone
In some little kid thatll show me what its like to be again
If i even make it to live 70 years old
I gave you my word and it was sold
I am a prime example of why things aren't there
Layed on my back, passed the day and stared
I was supposed to improve
I am the reason why its not there
Nothing gets in my way when i want to quit
Is there an end in sight?
Do i make it through the night?
im not complaining
im just losing myself
ive never been in a fist fight,
just arguements with you
and bad habits in a shell
i just want to set sail

i finally have you

spent time with each other
and it was only a moment
communication goes both ways
it leaves me here, it leaves me with nothing to say.
all youve ever done for me is produce anger and frustration
i go on long walks and leave some worried
my past is an impact that i keep running back to
overflowing pain that’s intolerable and no one knew
there’s just very little i can take from you
and im the blame for a disconnected relationship
well sometimes i am
sometimes i cant take a stand on standing you anymore
yearly dragging farther into the ground
im miserable if you wanna say so
maybe its all the open skies or the same places
i may never smile, but you think you know
youre doing better than i am
and somehow my outlook is bitter about it
will you take a picture so i can fit?
youll never wanna come back around, im just shit
left behind things you definitely wont remember
someday itll all change your mind
or will it at all?
you wont have to hear what i have to say
its sad to say the only time you’ll reach for me is at my funeral
sad to say the only thing you want is for my face to see,
but itll be at my funeral

Ringfinger

Dont kill me because im unaware
Whatevers been done, is unfair
At the same time, youre undercover
Youre not right, when i catch you stutter
Things turn around and upside down
By my life i swear
The end of the night
You love to open up
About little things you fish from a sea
Theyre just big problems that dont mean shit to me
Better be wary about getting underneath
Confessing to people who live with their teeth
Issues are meaningless, if nobody will take you serious
When you come from a family derailing to get along
Find what you want to try to find
When youve pissed on my mind
Shoveling up my bones
Unlocking all the wrong things
Not letting sleeping dogs lie
Eventually running to where they die

checked out

Yeah im tied down I dont need you around
So the fuck what
You lost a disagreement
If you dont like what youve heard
Move on out
Move from here
Move with your aspirations
Should of moved from the start
How unfortunate that you live with my heart
When you could recieve so much more
I was the frame on a wall to ignore
Now its just so god damn hard
I get so tangled, cant even get to a point
I feel so tired, i bombard myself with an excuse
I is me, thats all your ever gonna see.
Dancing on your memoir is all its ever gonna be

canary

love keeps me just going back.
and that's when a person has found a friend
tore me apart before,
until i found an end.

infect

9 hours of sleep
the world is ending on the tv
i don’t care that im not focusing.
supposed to be making steps forward
instead im just going back.
got a safe for a brain
that has collected it all
nostalgia is pain.
a fool and a sucker in for the fall
no motivation on today.
im just stuck in my room.
nobody visits.
mom don’t assume.
i wasted time
and ill do it again.
wasting on you.
who is really worth it?
the problem is i dont realize where im wrong
then its funny after i lose a friend

utter

losing what you found and settled for.
driving through an old neighborhood
just couldn't keep your mind off of me
what are friends for? just wait and see
im not out for blood
im deprived of inspiration.
there's nothing good to say
everyday is not my day.
i believe in a good pick me up.
to feel better
none of that shit works.
bite my nails, rip off my shirt.
sick for the holidays.
and i thought my head was a cell
created a cabin fever.
been living in hell, if you could tell.
and the one thing i want to do is show some utter emotion about our friendship
but i find nothing
ive carried timid expressions my entire life.
bashing my hands on a kitchen table for something
maybe a broken shell
a pen stored with my life inside
a wish to write things out in a clear sense

sleepyhead

where are headed now?
gotta be there on time?
do i believe in a liar?
does someone believe in me?
do you see right through my make believe?
is the other side all you see?
because you look better with each other
then a hell of a lot other lovers
who burn and crash
and meet their heads with a dashboard.
a car totaled next to the guard rail and gutter.
on the side of the highway for days
and nobody cared for it
just like the pains in your stomach.
im running out in an argument
where i cant defend myself anymore
if i cant justify and just say sorry
ill be placed on a shelf just like before
what i got to give is nothing no more.
you get what you get
when you place faith for a whore
lost in a body of water
then it rained and poured
then i lay down my head
woke up and disappeared in a months span.

difficulty

i wasn't begging for yesterday
just things that were wasted on time.
i don't have time for your shit
just asking back, where it rightfully fits.
saw god above, aiming swings where it hurts.
making bets with satan on how long i could last.
you dwell on your past.
it involves a lot of pain.
cracking open your chest
comparing heart from brain.

upstream

back to my old self where i was stuck
tucking myself to sleep.
when i hated a little bit more
than i didn't like then
you want to come at my throat
you better cut off the breathing.
fuck my feelings.
it'll stop my believing.
i sat in a room full of my entire family
for five hours
and watched her peacefully sleep
it turned my stomach sour.
though i collected myself
on all the wrong i completed in a year
it was hitting me hard
and it started to tear.
i wished instead of prayed
that you forced your eyes shut
comfortably resting at night
trusting that i was doing right.
but really its you
that's putting me in place
i felt something crush me inside
and i went for it.

a man with his family, a kid without one

this is my cast
walking under from where i fell
this love just deteriorates
im just not interested
watching youth stroll along a track to its drain.
give it to someone who can tolerate the pain
its selfish to take away life.
but i still found no meaning behind why.
pushing back cuticles to eat the time
i was a songbird
cant wait much longer
who's stronger?
feeling monger.
selling emotions to strangers down the street
displaying a head, chin down.
since when did anyone care in this town?

shove

for thousands of days living a life
my face will always meet with my hands
sleeping through opportunities,
that could of changed a future.
but i prefer nothing.
if i wanted something,
it would be a favor out of a friend.
that i constantly use.
dont want your company
dont want your love
dont want your fucking problems
love comes to shove.
i will not tolerate your bullshit
there are other things to waste time upon.

handed

there is attention that you're grabbing at.
waiting with fingers twirled
there's a bitch in your heart that thinks
"a tiny no one girl with the only problems in the world."
college accepted you
and i could give a care less.
i will walk as far as a i want
everyones intelligence has kept me shunned
you stand all your friends up.
you take everybody for granted.
fewer and fewer love you anymore.
i cant give a shit, i cant stand it.
look what you're handed,
just how you planned it.

spliced

ive caused some problems in the back of your mind
one would be ever placing eyes on me.
i was standing around, with a head to the ground.
anchoring my emotions into your questions
we dont talk at all
when we find something we shouldn't of seen
i just hide and seek, i have no spleen.

doing in

thinking about being a movie star.
because times are just so hard
wishing that every dollar would complete you to happiness.
doing in seconds
its not going to save that second faced life.
and those parents of yours blessed you with a true coldshoulder
shoving loved ones in compact folders
no calls answered.
just a brain and a heart full of yourself.
wishing every happy person along the way meets hell.

growing pains

caught a dead feeling floating around town
and i caught it without the slightest sound.
my family isn't a family anymore.
more of a tree in centuries dieing to pass
my friends aren't really friends anymore.
said what they had to say and that is that.
got a mouthful, have no where to put it.
must of been a stranger putting words in my mouth.
god honest truth though
i will never tell you what you're making for whats going on in my life.
it'll just sit around.
until you cross a fucking line.
ill bet a couple of nickles and dimes
that your sneaking around
but your not worth some pity dollar,
i should donate to the ground.
i shouldn't say things thatll push you away
but i sure as hell wish it day by day
itd be great to see you tonight.
hold you like i always do
pretending that its alright.
but it'd be better if you just drifted off in your bed.

world under pressured

when you find a hole, take a long nap.
and stay in the middle of not knowing where you're at
sticking around to bring people down inside
mind settled on thinking shit will slide
if its drug that are filling your needs.
ive got enough to kill you for your greed.
you numb brained girl, cant see him for what he is.
did a spin on his life for you.
but giving your heart to other guys eyes is what you'd like instead.
don't know if you want to get ahead.
because you're stuck in a teenage experiment.
but being weak, buckling under pressure has left you bent.
im the laugh of the town.
because i cant compare and relate.
and handed a downfall on my plate.
i want to be a drone but i just cant relate.
so im left with nothing except depth in hate.

yes

ive never felt this way

uninterested

i know that you're a happy person.
but i just cant take one more standing through being around you
and all those friends that i despise.
that i kept a surprise.
its actually a feeling of total disgust.
but nobody understands the big fuss.
id like to drop all interests
do you know who i am?
i wanted nothing to do with anything anymore.
when i counted to four
am i leaving your heart sore?
chucking things behind.
flushing out my mind.
all because i don't love seeing you happy

connected

eighteen years built a rabbit cage for somebody who thinks to fast,
in a town that's slowly coming apart under my feet.

sillyheart

when you drop me off,
i am half safe and sound.
but you leaving, it worries me to wonder,
whose going to put you into the ground.
i once had fingernails.
then i ripped them right off
because of buckling under pressure.
unbuckled in your car is gonna leave me stretchered.
who is first to go out of all us friends?
whose karma is chasing them around,
what taker is god eager to send?
there's some drunk bastard on the road
aimlessly having your fate to be sewed.
desolating your car against his
and he fucking lives.
what paramedic or coroner gives?
about somebody three breaths last to go.
im just some organ donor with no chance to grow.

this one doesnt make any sense

im not fucking worried anymore
on finding disappointments inside a group of friends.
all people have great things to say,
if it has to do with someone you hate.
why would you make amends?
fraud in the end.
no sides to fend
no more backs to bend
my girlfriends getting fucked by some guy in the back of my mind.
i sleep to pass it by.
im sorry for the way i am.
i just cant hold myself anymore
so i depend on jealousy
liars, cheats, burnouts, drifters,
kids can be what they want to be.
all that i need, i can only see.
life can pay a small fee for me

vertigo

how do i make you feel anymore?
it shouldn't matter but it does
i explained with because'
just start locking your door.
im overdosing in the middle of the street,
in the middle of the night.
one hundred different minds that all constantly race
all of them putting up a fight.
summer came when you graduated high school.
you crossed me out.
now i don't know which way to go.
ill be visiting the hospital soon,
flushing my veins to flow.

resigned

you asked for hands
i sort of already drifted away
what can i say
my commitment to friendships has changed
because i cant stand being around you for the sake of living
giving you something, you cant find.
ive already gave my room a piece of my mind
everyone goes.
existence can just stay resigned
a damned river flows
everyone loves me.
ill take that with me,
rob them softly of what they owe me back.
in the back of your mind, i left a smile cracked
one of the last things you'd ever remember of me

take it with you

sometimes id like to make way
through a crowd of people.
stand on top of the highest steeple
and drop all the accomplishments and friendship
that i bottled up over the years.
shattered and flattered people to produce tears
i just cant relax.
life's a job and id like to burn the place down.
because i have a boss for a heart id dream of taking down.
why cant you see what i can see?
i payed a valuable lesson to be
pretending im a lost person
inside a happy soul,
that breathes underwater.

on the breathing line

when people are looking for death,
they'll take you out and then their self.
the man who loved his kids
but his wife slept around his affection.
buying a shotgun bought her attention.
the man who has it all,
has got him by his throat.
if one more drop of sweat hits the floor.
twenty stories up high,
through broken glass you'll see his body fly.
one could dream of a let go.
and live like a child.
dying to start over.

mealworm

tell god i put myself in a predicament
doubt he has the time for a drifter
affix his eyes on me when i burn his scripture
ill take a deep dive, straight drop into hell.
where i find my lost understandings,
most people didn't give a shit when i fell.
because all i have is negativity for your surroundings.
all im asking is for a little closure on wanting something to be.
emotions and stubbornness cut out my eyes to see.
but i can dream all i want about cutting out tongues.
of friends committing their hardest and talking shit for fun.
girls got my heart in a box
waiting for me to put my guard into the ground.
cant believe a thing,
when a lie is what you found
he threw a rope around the moon for you.
ill just cut it right down.
he'd leave you flat out fucked.
id laugh without a sound.
all these years, just specks ive found
every morning i think i belong in the ground

bad root

a handful for the rest of a life
now id finally like to ease my grasp,
and lead every backbreaking friend to hell.
every bodies personal business is a show and tell
i suggest to stay inside your house
bask in your room in the night.
and put up a fight.
your better off alone like you were before you met anyone
the root keeps sprouting
and out comes a world that is growing and crushing
wrapping up internal problems and throwing
them to the minds and mouths of teenagers.
and off my shoulders, i disengaged her.
why would anyone need a person that would recycle something you didnt want anyone else knowing?
i casted out a seed that keeps growing

back

im not going there,
you're not stepping foot here
so we both win
that's the way i wanted it to have been.
who were you thinking of anyway?
yesterday, the day before and today.
because you had me at a comfortable place
now im living in heavens basement
god told me i made the biggest mistake.
and that's where i was sent.
back; when it was right,
now; when its wrong.
everything is,
im stuck writing tomorrows song.
if its rain let me hear the sound
if its sun, shoot it down
let it crash down on you.
so i would laugh at your families feelings
like you laughed at mine
you kept me thinking,
enough fucking said.
there are some people i just wish to be dead,
they probably feel the same way about me.

no title

i kept quiet.
and you made a mistake.
accidentally forming a song
everyone got along.
he and shes a good friend may to think.
your dead wrong.
i am scared of who i am.
im not afraid to not call anyone anymore.
this room is my sanctuary
and that is where ill be buried.
it was written here.
but i painted white over letter to letter.
last night you said some things.
that im pretty sure you don't realize half the time.
whats in your backstabbing mind.
yours is yours.
mine is mine.
disappointing, sad sad friend.
you'd do it again and again.
why do i ever care.
i would like to give up being this way.
i would like to give up all emotions.
i would like to give up all that i have.
i would like to give up everything.

i do not

a slight change
with how everything that surrounds is shit.
a spring night,
can take a bite to the heart.
new kids were strangers from the start.
how're you doing?
things for you are going well.
and my mom shes swell.
the drugs have never treated her any better.
built on frustration,
i blame my headaches on the weather.
grit your teeth, grind harder.
find the longest street and just keep running.
i may smile.
but i live in a pile, i don't belong here.

in a cell

if you're scared, weep in the arms of someones leaving soon.
you're someone who is disoriented behind the eyes.
no truth filled answers, just fucking lies.
don't know what mold to fit.
i pray for every crack on this damned earth to absorb you
for not pulling me through.
to good to talk to anyone
nose in the air, foot on my face.
and you believe you still belong to this place.
soon you'll live hell.
built in a shell.
in a cell.

kid

ill give it a year
until the electricity is turned off in my head
ill give it a year
to leave without the right thing being said
there's attention to be paid
while im haunted in sleep.
there's a man hiding in the dark, controlling my dreams.
down under neighborhood lights
you'll find your nostalgia in the night
packed away.
for the trash man to grab in the morning
i have all my emotions in a suitcase.
ready to run wherever nobody will find your familiar face.
she'll be gone.
i keep telling myself there's nothing to really live for after that.
ill give it a year.
until you're sleeping with fear.
because im living a lie
you don't know im up to.
ill give it a year

juked

you're the one that has to live with this inside
a shallow mistake
that i wont even let by
go and cry on wishing i could forgive you
picturing how you'll fuck the next guy, that's you.
everything that fills hope
will catch up in flame.
meaningless thoughts that you think is from the heart
i smashed my phone against the wall,
and cut out all fucking communication.
the world will move on
friends become people and people become strangers.
you believe they were fake
for gods sake'
theyre all snakes
and you deserve each bit of being torn down
broken trust in the form of sound.
look, see, no ones around

mexican ice cream truck

this is going to be the rest of my non-therapeutic life
ankles in cuffs
and desperate for enough.
nobody made me do it.
everybody made me realize its a sad youth.
a tooth for a tooth
what is it that i just don't understand?
if i gave a piece of mind, would you lend a hand?
if so, i could still wish for the same things.
the world caving in, everyone takes everyone with them.
there is fear in all my beliefs.
somehow i found a way to lose my voice,
without saying anything at all.
i wasn't saying anything at all
just scared of being small.
fuck the tall

14

"falling apart when nothings wrong"

this is where im wrong

every morning i wake up thinking about how im education less
and i run around with my head cut off
trying to find it somewhere else.
i feel worth to nothing

for just once

i was caught in a drift tonight
and all i want is somewhere new for once.
i cant stop eating through my fucking hand.
in which direction you're heading to.
no matter how much the three words are used.
tightly in place, you're still trusting loose
i always knew
only sometimes when i walk away.
i wish i left you with the right thing to say
no letters, nothing in written form.
just crushing and burying things away
i don't deserve many things
and i don't enjoy you being happy some other place without me
i had things going the way i wanted them to be
stupid people blaming there moods on the weather.
stupid people like me
i only wish to be someone better
its a fucking miracle blowing out eighteen candles
im the slightest from feeling normal anymore
there aren't any childhood friends to run with out my front door
how could you have known.
when you all you've really shown
is that things are dying inside.
welcome to my new home
i am a dying motherfucker

the ocean is blue

ive been walking in the way
work all day,
come home to find myself with something to say.
stuck with a mouth of stale words.
i cant give you my word.
love is false.
wake up snapped in half.
no ones really sorry for your loss.
you are tangled in my brain.
life held up from the crows to strain.
hes just insane.
watch me slip through the drain.
i cant give you my words.
we've spent months together
i find myself looking for the greatest moment
now its refreshed love.
you'll drop it on somebody new
picked straight from my hands.
now look where the moon lands.

hospice

where did you go today?

-=-=-=-=-

in that period of time i was wrapped up in some sort of emotional pain,
and i got so used to it, i loved the feeling.
i felt human and natural.
now its just gone.
i have no idea where it disappeared to.
i have no idea where i disappeared to.
im just out of my skin now.
running around all night, looking for it

easing

what

sometimes i wonder if that's the last time ill ever see you.
i was told these dreams are meant to be true.
you sort of never really understand.
im dying on the other line all the time
it would break my heart if you left.
but there's no point here, because im slowly leaving.
im always sleeping inside myself.
blankets and pillows for someone so sad.
look what you had.
there's this floor i always lay on,
but i cant always seem to get a picture right.
i end up erasing every friends face
and structures of every place.
all the colors of the world, i exchanged in your hands.
empty out my account, make you all happy.
all money does is spin your life around.
its only paper
you can have it all.
have you seen what i saw?

jackpot life

people cry because they can control their downfalls.
they belong in the dirt, where its time to go.
what do you have to show?
except only looking out for yourself.
im coming over to kick you down.
you don't belong around

flavour of salt

im just running through pictures of how it used to be.
i cant tear them apart, if i stained the inside of my head with it
its almost 4 am, i unfolded myself.
and you should see what i have found.
everyone is gone out of these photos.
replaced somewhere else with good luck and health
im the only one awake around this time.
but im sleeping while we walk around during the day.
the sky is red and gray because it likes to snow.
we've had our share of smiles.
time for you to go.
for me? somewhere. i don't know.

45 minutes away

writing you a letter is the saddest thing.
i dont even know what to say.

pretending to read

sometimes i leave the house.
and think that's the last time ill ever walk in front of it.

breezewood

i live violence in a thick shell head
sleep is for resting, and i refuse.

countless friends

the tv's on
i am halfway to sleep.
i have a piece of mind that you wouldn't believe.
why'd you drive away?
you have to be occupied in love.
for little i push, the more you shove
its just dust in time.
i cant even pay for it back.
i find it interesting in the pain you lack
you're not even numb.
just born with sore thumbs.
stay out of touch
i count less friends.

hes convinced and deceived
you have your cards right
hes lost and wrapped up
in what you're doing at night.
how do you see that its meant to be?
now you're broken up and free.
you don't know what you want to be
i have no room to speak
but you're not much.
stay out of touch.
i count less friends.

somehow between somewhere

perfect swindling family tree
slips right under my feet.
divorced parents in pain.
like the confused child with nothing to explain
whats wrong from the start,
with an upside down heart?
trying to find someone who cares for you
you're just wasting months and years
there are empty streets to be filled with homeless brothers.
and stretchers to be broken in with dying sisters
its like im supposed to watch everyone go down
and tremble to the sound.
of a thousand loved ones minds, fracture and grind.
be whatever god wants you to be.
meet all the wrong people that make your paths
destroyers and lovers,
what goes on in your head?
coming from me, there's nothing ever said.
i left myself half dead.
what ever goes on in my head?

done for tonight

there isn't anything to be solved anymore.
i say you just gave up.
you're a drain on my fucking life.
as if i didn't notice enough
two drunk feet, can fuck you where you want to be
you're always spoken the morning of
i have many reasons that crush me above.
everyone is gone in this god forsaken hole.
they are ongoing people.
with a washed out soul.
you've been listed first.
for my own legged hearse
ashes of a friendship.
pissed all over

its simple

lately my wallet carries nothing.
for every new day i seem to have a new suit on my back
i have a new story for every morning i wake up.
one more thing to bring for you to hold my hand to.
i have my fingers through my hair
there
are
things
i
have
held
inside
for
you
ive got all types of friends.
that i clear right through.
and see right through.
i know what you'll do.
i know what you're up to.
there are the smallest of cracks that i hide in
and their are the biggest of lies to keep you away from me.
away with you and everybody else
i have a flooded mind
selfishly leaving you behind.
i deserve to be alone.

youre the one

someone told me whats going on with you?
in fact ten different people knew
people with big mouths to catch flies, whats new?
dancing left to right, he just doesn't like to dance at all.
there's always a piece of glass in your hands.
cutting out what you don't like about him
it always something.
hopefully a crushed promise ring.
built a fool in the open light.
a toilet to flush your future wedding ring.
created a shit image totally in sight.
why are you bringing yourself around?
you have no right.
you just want something around to make cry and sing
yeah he's your favorite bite.
in a steady rotation you intend on destroying my friends life.
who doesn't really know better.
you could rarely see whats it like.
you're the one with a creation